Tears are everywhere.

Thank you for making this family from happiness to sadness. Thank you. Enough talking about you, I’m talking about myself; my feeling. Fml or not ? That from 11pm I tried so hard to sleep, but my mind just couldn’t stop thinking about this mess.

I really feel so heartbroken to watch at this big mess happens just like that, and I couldn’t bear to do anything but lock myself in the room and cry. I really wants to get an answer; why ? Really. Why ? I know I can’t fight back to get an answer, because I am just hurting myself & the people I loved. I don’t want to yell at him anymore, I don’t want. Instead of yelling at him, I choose to shut my mouth up and eat the entire blame. This is seriously not the first time I got blames in almost EVERYTHING. I’m also a human. I got my own feelings, kay. How many time can I advice myself by thinking more positive instead negative. Choose not to care, everything will be alright. Just don’t care. But why the hell these tears keep rolling down ? Is hurt. Really hurt.

Why all these years I have to think about his feeling but he couldn’t think about mine ? Yet still says is my entire fault. Which part is my fault !? No matter how many time, I says “IS NOT ME, GO FIND OUT THE TRUTH”, he always stand over there. Then what’s the point of asking when you already won’t choose to stand here ! Sometimes, life is just so unfair. I wish there’s a button to stop what’s playing while you don’t want it to play at all.

Everyone got their own emotion. You care about em only, but what about me !? My emotion are dead 1 la, isit ?

I don’t understand. I choose to keep quiet, while you questioning & when everyone know who’s the wrong 1 is only BECAUSE I don’t want war. But this doesn’t mean that I’m the wrong 1. IF I am, I will admit. Thousands of times I said, is not me is not me. All you did was yelling at me and says, is ME ME ME ME ! I know there’s ME in the BLAME word, but this doesn’t mean you can always blame me when I’m not at the wrong point. You just don’t understand me and my feelings.

What can I do when none understand this feeling other than me. Somehow, people think I got no problem, just a happy-go-lucky-girl. You’re so damn wrong. I’m not. I’m using happiness to hide my sadness while I’m actually lying to myself. Hell yeaahh, I can be an actress to pretend everything is okay. I’m such a big fat liar to myself.

My eyes really swollen and its hurt, but however, no matter how many tissue I use, this just still prove me, I am always wrong. Good, very good. I’m all done. MY EMOTION ARE ACTUALLY DEAD ! :))

Goodnight.